Can You Believe This MindSet?

This story originates from my first three years in the working world. I was working in a small town store that sold stereos, television sets, pianos, organs, and appliances. I had been married quite recently and could not afford to do much after work. The staff was quite small, only five people on the upstairs floor and two in the service shop downstairs. The service people seldom interacted with staff socially. The sales staff consisted of myself, my boss, and an experienced sales lady. The other two staff were primarily bookkeepers, but they were involved in taking cash as well as customer credit applications. One of the bookkeepers was in her 70's. She was an aged spinster and the boss kept her employed for sentimental reasons. She had been with the store for 35 years after all. The other bookkeeper was at the other end of the age spectrum. She was barely twenty, and this was her first full time gig since leaving school. (She did a lot of the routine work under the direction of the more senior staff member. She did most of the routine work under the direction of the older lady. The senior person dealt with paying invoices from our wholesalers, and in payment delinquencies from customers. She did most of the details of bookkeeping under the day to day direction of the older lady. To say there was friction between them was an understatement, but that might be another story to tell some day.

The store was closed Sundays back then, so it was tradition every Monday morning to get together and regale each other with what we did on the weekend.  Since I was recently married and cash was tight, my wife and I mostly just hung out with friends. I was told the old lady spent most of her Saturday night and Sunday after church drinking scotch. The other person in sales was a woman in her 50's who spent her weekends with grown children and grandchildren on family activities. The boss never come in until 10:00 AM which is why we were able to shoot the breeze every Monday from 9:00 till 9:30 or so.

Now Cathy, the junior accounting clerk, was in a class of her own. She spent nearly every weekend frequenting the local pubs with her girlfriends. They would move from club to club in a pack looking for fun. Ultimately, they were all looking for the man of their dreams to marry. Because all of the rest of us could only talk about the same stuff we talked about last week, invariably, the conversation on Monday tended to center on Cathy's latest exploits. She had a way of dramatizing the mundane, so if nothing else, her stories were more interesting than – 'I cooked dinner for my family'. She was not ugly, but not exactly the prettiest girl in the world either, so her trials and vexations were many. But from my perspective, her biggest problem was her attitude. This is best typified by the following story.

One particular Monday, Cathy was talking about her Saturday night. She had several single friends that she went around with on her weekly jaunts. She complained that she never got to dance a single dance on Saturday night, and that the whole evening was a bust. She mentioned that this guy had come up to their table just as they got there, and had asked one of her friends to dance and was turned down. He then proceeded to ask each of the other girls, who all turned him down. Over the next hour, she had watched him ask other girls in the club, who all turned him down, so he left. She then laughed at how stupid he was to be so persistent.  I was curious why she thought it was stupid so I asked her.

She said that once one girl at her table had turned him down, if any of them would have said yes, they would have looked like they were picking up the leavings of the first girl who turned him down. Thus losing face I guess. Not sure if I fully understood I asked her to tell me more.  She said that after being turned down by all the women at our table, he then proceeded to ask other women at other tables, and they of course had to turn him down too. When I asked why, she said that they would have been worried about looking needy by picking up someone that someone else had turned down.

In an effort to truly understand what to me was a twisted point of view, I asked her some more questions. I asked her what was wrong with him. Did he look like an ape or something? She said that he was actually quite good looking, and she had been hoping for weeks that he would ask her to dance. So I asked if she knew the reason the first girl had turned him down for if he was such a catch. She said that they had just gotten there, and that that she did not feel like dancing yet. So I asked Cathy if the guy would have asked her first, would she have danced with him. She said of course she would have.  I was struggling now to hold in the laughter as she continued to amaze me with the twists and turns of her strange reasoning.

At this juncture, I summarized my understanding to make sure I had not missed anything. I said, you knew that your friend had turned him down not because she was not interested, but because she was tired. She agreed with that. But he did ask you and you turned him down, and then had a crappy Saturday night because nobody else asked you to dance. She said yes, that's just the way it goes sometimes.

By now, I was feeling that I should show her the errors of her ways, so I asked a few more questions. I asked her to think like a guy for a bit and tell me which of the people she would have approached first if she was a guy. She said she would have asked the girl that he asked first because she was cuter. But then she proceeded to say that the cuter girl did not have as good a personality as she did. So I asked her if she had ever had any sort of discussion with the guy before, and she said she had not. So I asked her how was he ever to know that she had a better personality if she did not talk to him when she had the opportunity. She looked at me like I was mentally deficient or something. She said, “I already told you that I couldn't! Weren't you listening”? I gave up at that point.

A couple of weeks later, I noticed that Cathy was not her usual perky self. I talked to her a bit and got her to open up as to what her problem was. She said that the guy that she had turned down to dance had shown up with a new girlfriend, and said the the girl was not even pretty. I said, too bad you messed up your chance. Once again, she looked at me like I was some neanderthal from the ice age. “I told you I could not say yes to him. How many times do I have to repeat myself!”, she said.  About a year later, Cathy was moping around the office for a couple of months. One of her girlfriends told me that they guy she really liked had married that girl. She never had actually talked to the guy.

I did not stay at that store much longer. I found a much better paying job with a more stable future elsewhere in the city. I stayed on long enough to train my replacement, and would run into him from time to time. He stayed on a decade before leaving as well. When he left, Cathy was still there, still single, and still wandering the bars looking for Mr. Goodbar.

I guess she never changed!


For more advice with online dating and male – female relationships, follow the link below:

Advice for Men

50 Ways To Leave Your Lover

Almost as many erotic relationships end as are started. I mean, it might be nice to have lots of friends with benefits so that you are never without a handy sex partner, but for some reason our society still has not reached this level of maturity.

Back to the point of this diatribe; if you are going to be good at getting into many relationships, you have to be just as good at getting out of them. For some reason, people getting into relationships just never figure the odds that you have to get out of most of them. Since the average person now-a-days has about 8 or 9 intimate relationships before settling down, that means that if you have 9 relationships before forming a permanent bond with someone, it means that you had to have ended 8 of them. Putting it mathematically, if R = the number of relationships that you start, then R-1 is the number of relationships that you had to end. OUCH!


Good Break Up Tips

1. Do It Privately

The best situation when breaking up with someone is to do it at his or her place. A lot of people say go somewhere public so they won’t make a scene. But sometimes the scene is inevitable, and you don’t want to be in public when that happens. Do it at their place, and then if they want to break something, it’s their stuff. They can kick you out, and you can leave peacefully. They don’t feel embarrassed if you’re out in public. It’s their safe place, so it’s best.

2. Do It Just Before A Weekend

This is a consideration for them so that they can get it back together before having to go to work. Often people will miss work the next day. If they get fired, then you have the added guilt of them losing their job as a result of you breaking up with them. You want to avoid that. In any event, it gives them a chance to call up other close friends and thoroughly trash you, drink themselves into oblivion, cry themselves out, and get over the ensuing hangover without missing a day of work.

3. Give Space and Time

The best way to effectively have a smooth break-up is limit the time you’re together with your ex immediately after the dumping. If you start seeing someone new, don’t take them to your ex’s regular haunt. Don’t rub your new partner in their face! And, if you need to talk to friends about the reason you broke up, choose friends that are not common friends. Otherwise, you’re asking for a soap opera, and I mean that in a bad way. Even though I watch soap operas. They’re hot. And they have bikinis.


Things Not To Do When Breaking Up

1. Pick your breakup turf carefully so as to minimize sharp objects and hard objects. Both of these types of things can be used on you in a fit of anger or despair. So, kitchens, craft rooms and work-rooms are out. For the same reasons, do not end it in a hardware store or kitchen specialty shop if you have to end it in public for some reason.

2. Do not put yourself into a situation where after you break up, you are forced to be near your ex for a period of time. So, do not do it while on a trip or a vacation. Do not do it while touring the Statue of Liberty. In other words, when picking the turf to break up on, you need a clean and private exit strategy for both of you.

3. Have a couple of answers up your sleeve for the inevitable "why" question. Just get them out and do not let yourself get trapped into a debate. Stick to your guns. If you do not, then you will inevitably get put into a position to give it another try. Keep it clean and final!

And remember – there are plenty of fish in the sea!

Good luck!

For more advice articles, check out the following links:
Relationships Advice for Men


Relationships Advice for Women





If you have broken up recently and are looking for love, then check the following:
Top 10 Dating Sites

Dating Sites For Seniors

Finding yourself single again after what seems like a life time of marriage and being over 50 can feel like falling down the proverbial well. At least half of women over the age of 60 live alone compared to only one out of six men. Dating has certainly changed a lot in the past 30 years or so. It is not that unusual to see grandmothers perusing the offerings in a sex shop. Older men are often so confused that they don't know if they should open a door, pull a chair out, or pay for the whole dinner and movie.

Several old television relic’s have proven more than once that we all have a come back or two in us, but with every failed date that idea, like our perfect eye site, is slowly fading away. Most of us would like to believe that we can come back from the ashes of a previous relationship a few times, but after a while, with little luck, hope will no longer seem so spring eternal anymore. Approaching a relationship the second or third time around can be pretty daunting, especially if you have been out of the game for a few decades because of a successful relationship.  Finding yourself splitting in your 50's can be a very shattering experience. Becoming a widow or widower is even more so. People tend to be a bit more set in their ways and comfortable with their life styles when they are in their 50's and beyond. This makes it much more difficult to find someone compatible than when you are in your more flexible 20's. If you are looking to find someone who just meshes with you and your lifestyle, the odds are severely against you. If you intend to find a new life partner, then you must be prepared to do a few changes. These do not have to be radical, but you do need to do some things differently. Personally, I always hated golf, but I took it up so that I would have a better chance of finding someone – and hey, I grew to like it, so it was not a waste.

First dates with the over 50 crowd are always an interesting experience. You never know what to expect. You will get sophisticated to boorish, and every flavor in between. Most will not go to a second date simply because the chemistry is not right. You will often have to sit through a stressful evening of stories about their current job or past profession, their deceased wife,  ex girl friends, how good they are in bed, and how their hemorrhoids are inflamed and they cannot sit for another minute. Of course several of them will also bring up the topic of Cialis or Viagra, just trying to lay a foundation for later on.

And its just as discouraging for the men.  Men will often talk about women trying to finagle their way into their lives very quickly, and then start to manipulate them to change their life styles to suit the woman's. All of these are symptoms of a fundamental incompatibility with each other from the get-go.

Why is it that mature people have so many problems finding a compatible mate?  Life is purported to be simpler as you age. Too bad they can't say the same for senior dating. What is the cause of this phenomenon? It is not as if we are amateurs in the dating game! We know who we are and what we want. Why should it be so difficult? Could it be we have our standards set too high? I doubt it! Older people want the same things that the younger set are hoping to find in a relationship. They all want:

1) Someone To Listen
2) Someone To Care
3)Someone Interesting
4)Someone Compassionate
5)Someone Loving
6)Someone Understanding
7)Someone Compatible
8)Someone With Similar Interests
9)Someone With similar Values
10)Someone To Share Our Lives With
11)Someone Who Respects Me
12)Someone I Can Respect

Why would that, in any way, be too much to ask for?

After discussing my problems with some of my closest friends. My friends suggested that I try one of the dozens of senior dating sites available online. I shied away from the topic and the idea of a dating site, but after some encouraging information from my friends, and after watching too many late movies by myself, I decided to give it a go. I turned on my computer and looked for senior dating sites. My friends were right! There are dozens if not hundreds of them, my head was spinning.

It was a little confusing for me at first. I started having flashbacks of when I was a kid trying to choose a candy bar at the store. I explained this to my friends and one of them suggested a place to start. This site is a dating site rating service. They have tested thousands of dating sites, and have a list of the sites that they recommend. All of them are categorized to make it easier to select. My friend said that she had signed up to a couple of the recommended sites just to make sure that she would find someone fast.

She said that is how she met her boyfriend. And all this time I thought she met this wonderful man at work, what a shock. So I gave them a try, it was a cake walk I just entered my profile information, and the site did most of the rest of the work for me. It didn't take long before they had several men that were exactly what I have been looking for. I'm in dating heaven! For the first time in years I am actually going out with exciting men and enjoying my self, life does get better with age.

If you are approaching your golden years and you are looking for the person you want to spend the rest of your life with with, then take the first step. Check out the link below and join one or two of the sites. You will never regret it.

http://www.top100datingpersonals.com/seniordating.php

Tips For Breaking Up

Let’s face it: sometimes things go south in a relationship. I’m not sure why they call something bad “going south”. I love going south. It’s warm. Lots of bikinis.

But back to the point – sometimes you have to break up with a partner. It’s never fun, but there are things you can do to make it less awful. My advice: do it as soon as possible – that way you can get over it, and move on to trying to find the right person.


Good Break Up Tips

1. Do Not Do It In A Public Place

Many times, a breakup will be emotional. Sometimes throwing things emotional. Sometimes crying emotional. In any event, being in a very public place, like a restaurant, airs these emotions in front of too many people. Restaurants are also difficult to leave quickly because at least one of you has to stick around long enough to pay the bill.

2. Do It Just Before A Weekend

This is a consideration for them so that they can get it back together before having to go to work. Often people will miss work the next day. If they get fired, then you have the added guilt of them losing their job as a result of you breaking up with them. You want to avoid that. In any event, it gives them a chance to call up other close friends and thoroughly trash you, drink themselves into oblivion, cry themselves out, and get over the ensuing hangover without missing a day of work.

3. Give Space and Time

The best way to effectively have a smooth break-up is limit the time you’re together with your ex immediately after the dumping. If you start seeing someone new, don’t take them to your ex’s regular haunt. Don’t rub your new partner in their face! And, if you need to talk to friends about the reason you broke up, choose friends that are not common friends. Otherwise, you’re asking for a soap opera, and I mean that in a bad way. Even though I watch soap operas. They’re hot. And they have bikinis.


Things Not To Do When Breaking Up

1. Don’t break up in the knife department at Sears. There are too many temptations for them to give you a little going-away present (like a circumcision, or an impromptu hair cut). If you have to do it out in public, do it at the marshmallow factory. There are very few sharp edges there.

2. Do not put yourself into a situation where after you break up, you are forced to be near your ex for a period of time. So, do not do it while on a trip or a vacation. Do not do it while touring the Statue of Liberty. In other words, when picking the turf to break up on, you need a clean and private exit strategy for both of you.

3. If they start asking why you want to end it, don’t get caught up in a debate. If they can out argue you, you might be tempted to give it another try. It’s a trap! Stick to your guns, and wish them the best. After all, the sooner they find someone new, the sooner you can start double dating and, if you’re lucky and the sex was good, wife swapping.

Well, not literally. Thanks to over-fishing it’s actually kind of concerning how few fish there are in the sea. But you know what I mean. We should think up a more factual expression.

Good luck!

For more advice articles, check out the following links:
Relationships Advice for Men


Relationships Advice for Women





If you have broken up recently and are looking for love, then check the following:
Top 10 Dating Sites

Chinese Dating

If two Chinese people are dating, they are well aware of Chinese cultural norms. However, when one of those people is not Chinese, conflicts are inevitable and need to be discussed upfront before they become an issue.

Here are a few good tips on dating and Chinese culture:

Chinese women come across as shy and reserved when dating. As such, it is culturally expected for the man to make the first move and exhibit a certain amount of dominance in the relationship. Men are expected to be in a lead role when it comes to relationships. This applies to both initial contact, and every step along the way.

When talking to a Chinese woman on a dating site, always be polite and show respect.

Also remember that, in China, health and salary are not considered to be private issues and are expected to be discussed openly and freely.

Most women in China marry at an early age and Chinese men find it a little strange for women to be in their thirty's and still single. Older single women are more likely to jump at a dating opportunity because they are normally shunned by Chinese men to some extent. Divorced women are usually shunned in Chinese society. Widowed women fare a bit better, but not by much. In any event, if you pay attention to widowed or divorced Chinese women on an online dating site, you will likely be very successful.

In China education is very important and Chinese men and women are usually more interested in the education level and degrees one might possess than most cultures are.

In the Chinese culture, women are taught to see security in financial stability. They will tend to marry success rather than looks.

Well educated Chinese people can often speak English to some degree. They are likely a lot better at reading and writing it than speaking it, especially if they are still living in China. When you do not use a language orally you cannot develop a good ear for distinguishing the words, nor do you get a chance to be fluent orally. Be ready to accept the fact that there will be more of a spoken language barrier than a written one.

It is also very common for people in China not to have a religion, as many years ago it was believed to be superstitious and many of the churches and temples were actually destroyed and religion was banned by Mao.

China is pretty much a male dominated society, so the man is expected to pay for everything on a date, this includes dinner, movies, theatre, snacks and, if needed, taxis.

Always try to be upfront and honest with your intentions as many Chinese people date with the soul purpose of finding a potential spouse, so to avoid any misconception it is wise to make your true intentions known right from the start.

Many Chinese people will avoid drinking alcohol, so it would be wise not to suggest stopping for a drink on your first date, instead it would be a better idea to suggest lunch or maybe a coffee or tea.

Do not have any expectations of mainland Chinese people showing up for a date on time. It is not in the culture..

Chinese people will show that they like you by offering to help you. You will find that they will feel obligated to help with dishes or even help with small bits of maintenance around the house. It is how they show affection.

You should also be aware that asking about one's health and taking care of someone when they are sick or feeling a little under the weather are two ways of showing how much you care about that person in China. Looking after what you eat, wear, and your health is not an attempt to run or control your life, this is the Chinese way of sharing their feelings in an indirect but very classy way.

Chinese are non-demonstrative in their love. They may be bonkers over you, but they would never be so crude as to actually say that out loud. Understatement of affection is the name of the game. They show affection more by actions than words.

Being more aware of Chinese versus Western cultural norms should help you when interacting with Chinese people in general, but especially so in a dating or relationship situation.

This article is geared to helping you make it past first base when dating a Chinese man or woman. Attentive and educated Chinese men and women would love to meet you so just follow the link below.

Asian Dating

Breaking Up Is Often The Hardest Part Of A Relationship

Let’s face it: sometimes things go south in a relationship. I’m not sure why they call something bad “going south”. I love going south. It’s warm. Lots of bikinis.

If you have 8 intimate relationships in your lifetime, then you had to break up 7 times. The numbers just follow. It is never easy, but it can be a  lot harder on everyone if you approach it badly.


Good Break Up Tips

1. Do It Privately

The best situation when breaking up with someone is to do it at his or her place. A lot of people say go somewhere public so they won’t make a scene. But sometimes the scene is inevitable, and you don’t want to be in public when that happens. Do it at their place, and then if they want to break something, it’s their stuff. They can kick you out, and you can leave peacefully. They don’t feel embarrassed if you’re out in public. It’s their safe place, so it’s best.

2. Do It Just Before A Weekend

This is a consideration for them so that they can get it back together before having to go to work. Often people will miss work the next day. If they get fired, then you have the added guilt of them losing their job as a result of you breaking up with them. You want to avoid that. In any event, it gives them a chance to call up other close friends and thoroughly trash you, drink themselves into oblivion, cry themselves out, and get over the ensuing hangover without missing a day of work.

3. Give Space and Time

The best way to effectively have a smooth break-up is limit the time you’re together with your ex immediately after the dumping. If you start seeing someone new, don’t take them to your ex’s regular haunt. Don’t rub your new partner in their face! And, if you need to talk to friends about the reason you broke up, choose friends that are not common friends. Otherwise, you’re asking for a soap opera, and I mean that in a bad way. Even though I watch soap operas. They’re hot. And they have bikinis.


Bad Break Up Don'ts

1. Pick your breakup turf carefully so as to minimize sharp objects and hard objects. Both of these types of things can be used on you in a fit of anger or despair. So, kitchens, craft rooms and work-rooms are out. For the same reasons, do not end it in a hardware store or kitchen specialty shop if you have to end it in public for some reason.

2. Do not break up in a place where you will have to be together for a long period of time afterwards. Breaking up while on vacation is bad. Breaking up if you are on an island where you have to take the ferry back is also bad. Breaking up in some rural setting is bad unless you both came in separate vehicles.

3. If they start asking why you want to end it, don’t get caught up in a debate. If they can out argue you, you might be tempted to give it another try. It’s a trap! Stick to your guns, and wish them the best. After all, the sooner they find someone new, the sooner you can start double dating and, if you’re lucky and the sex was good, wife swapping.

Well, not literally. Thanks to over-fishing it’s actually kind of concerning how few fish there are in the sea. But you know what I mean. We should think up a more factual expression.

Good luck!

For more advice articles, check out the following links:

Relationships Advice for Men  
Relationships Advice for Women

If you have broken up recently and are looking for love, then check the following:
Top 10 Dating Sites