Dating Seeking Love Online

This is a totally unscientific rant based on my own observations of people both in real life and on dating sites. By direct observation, I have seen dozens of people succeed in finding a solid life partner using online dating sites, but I have also seen many more fail.  I joined several dating sites some years ago and ended up getting caught up in how it is that people interact online versus real life. I have also tapped into my own extensive circle of friends and acquaintances in this same time period and also witnessed most aspects of the offline dating world as well.

So what have I found?
Interestingly enough, not much that has not already been discussed before.

Offline dating has been going on for thousands of years, and I doubt if anyone today could actually find much to add to the existing literature. I will therefore not try to pontificate in any manner on that aspect of dating, other than to note that most people tend to date within an extended community of friends for the most part. 

Internet dating, which is a higher tech offshoot of the matchmaking services that have been around for hundreds of years, is a relatively new beast, and as such, there are some insights that can be passed on that most people have yet to learn.

So lets start with some popular misconceptions:
Dating Sites Have Fool Proof Matching Formulas
False – The second is that people do not really know for sure what it is that they are looking for in a mate.  They may think that they do, but if you look around and talk to people you will often find people in very successful relationships that have trouble understanding why it was that they first clicked! What it comes down to is head and heart – no matter what your head says, your heart will overrule successfully every time. Your head rules by logic, your heart rules by chemistry. I defy you to define the chemistry of your perfect match!!

I Do Not Have To Work As Hard On A Dating Site To Find Someone I Like
False – To make a long story short, it takes a lot of time getting to know anyone that you hope to be your life partner. You just cannot take any shortcuts here. In fact, for this aspect of using a dating site it takes more effort because of the anonymous nature of the environment. Everyone is using made up handles, so it is not as if you can check with a mutual friend to see what they are really like.

Internet Dating Sites are a Great Place To Find People to Date
True – If you are a person who uses dating to interact with someone that you are interested in; then a dating site is likely to connect you with many more people than you can possibly find via your own means offline.

Dating Sites Are Better At Connecting You To Your Soul Mate.
False – Maybe false is too harsh – it is a definite perhaps, and it depends on your attitude. If you are willing to look outside of your normal comfort zone, you have a better chance finding someone on an internet dating site that you would through your own personal network of friends.


So What Good Are Dating Sites Anyway ? Well, they are really good for people who are open to discovering more about what they are really interested in. They are good for people who have not been successful finding their soul mate in real life because quite frankly they are looking for the wrong type of person in the wrong places.  If you approach online dating with an open mind, you will likely be able to interact with many more disparate people then you normally hang out with, and in that process, discover more about what you like in other people, which may just change your mind about who you need in your life to complete you.

You should approach using a dating site as you would approach using any new tool that can improve your productivity. It is possible for someone to use a tool incorrectly and end up being hurt. It is possible to be sloppy how you use a tool and end up getting inferior results (don't blame the tool). If you take the time to learn the advantages and disadvantages of the tool, and employ that tool correctly, then you have the optimal chance of finding your perfect match.

So, open your heart and give online dating a try.

You can start here:http://www.top100datingpersonals.com/onlinedating.php

Can You Believe This MindSet?

This story originates from my first three years in the working world. I was working in a small town store that sold stereos, television sets, pianos, organs, and appliances. I had been married quite recently and could not afford to do much after work. The staff was quite small, only five people on the upstairs floor and two in the service shop downstairs. The service people seldom interacted with staff socially. The sales staff consisted of myself, my boss, and an experienced sales lady. The other two staff were primarily bookkeepers, but they were involved in taking cash as well as customer credit applications. One of the bookkeepers was in her 70's. She was an aged spinster and the boss kept her employed for sentimental reasons. She had been with the store for 35 years after all. The other bookkeeper was at the other end of the age spectrum. She was barely twenty, and this was her first full time gig since leaving school. (She did a lot of the routine work under the direction of the more senior staff member. She did most of the routine work under the direction of the older lady. The senior person dealt with paying invoices from our wholesalers, and in payment delinquencies from customers. She did most of the details of bookkeeping under the day to day direction of the older lady. To say there was friction between them was an understatement, but that might be another story to tell some day.

The store was closed Sundays back then, so it was tradition every Monday morning to get together and regale each other with what we did on the weekend.  Since I was recently married and cash was tight, my wife and I mostly just hung out with friends. I was told the old lady spent most of her Saturday night and Sunday after church drinking scotch. The other person in sales was a woman in her 50's who spent her weekends with grown children and grandchildren on family activities. The boss never come in until 10:00 AM which is why we were able to shoot the breeze every Monday from 9:00 till 9:30 or so.

Now Cathy, the junior accounting clerk, was in a class of her own. She spent nearly every weekend frequenting the local pubs with her girlfriends. They would move from club to club in a pack looking for fun. Ultimately, they were all looking for the man of their dreams to marry. Because all of the rest of us could only talk about the same stuff we talked about last week, invariably, the conversation on Monday tended to center on Cathy's latest exploits. She had a way of dramatizing the mundane, so if nothing else, her stories were more interesting than – 'I cooked dinner for my family'. She was not ugly, but not exactly the prettiest girl in the world either, so her trials and vexations were many. But from my perspective, her biggest problem was her attitude. This is best typified by the following story.

One particular Monday, Cathy was talking about her Saturday night. She had several single friends that she went around with on her weekly jaunts. She complained that she never got to dance a single dance on Saturday night, and that the whole evening was a bust. She mentioned that this guy had come up to their table just as they got there, and had asked one of her friends to dance and was turned down. He then proceeded to ask each of the other girls, who all turned him down. Over the next hour, she had watched him ask other girls in the club, who all turned him down, so he left. She then laughed at how stupid he was to be so persistent.  I was curious why she thought it was stupid so I asked her.

She said that once one girl at her table had turned him down, if any of them would have said yes, they would have looked like they were picking up the leavings of the first girl who turned him down. Thus losing face I guess. Not sure if I fully understood I asked her to tell me more.  She said that after being turned down by all the women at our table, he then proceeded to ask other women at other tables, and they of course had to turn him down too. When I asked why, she said that they would have been worried about looking needy by picking up someone that someone else had turned down.

In an effort to truly understand what to me was a twisted point of view, I asked her some more questions. I asked her what was wrong with him. Did he look like an ape or something? She said that he was actually quite good looking, and she had been hoping for weeks that he would ask her to dance. So I asked if she knew the reason the first girl had turned him down for if he was such a catch. She said that they had just gotten there, and that that she did not feel like dancing yet. So I asked Cathy if the guy would have asked her first, would she have danced with him. She said of course she would have.  I was struggling now to hold in the laughter as she continued to amaze me with the twists and turns of her strange reasoning.

At this juncture, I summarized my understanding to make sure I had not missed anything. I said, you knew that your friend had turned him down not because she was not interested, but because she was tired. She agreed with that. But he did ask you and you turned him down, and then had a crappy Saturday night because nobody else asked you to dance. She said yes, that's just the way it goes sometimes.

By now, I was feeling that I should show her the errors of her ways, so I asked a few more questions. I asked her to think like a guy for a bit and tell me which of the people she would have approached first if she was a guy. She said she would have asked the girl that he asked first because she was cuter. But then she proceeded to say that the cuter girl did not have as good a personality as she did. So I asked her if she had ever had any sort of discussion with the guy before, and she said she had not. So I asked her how was he ever to know that she had a better personality if she did not talk to him when she had the opportunity. She looked at me like I was mentally deficient or something. She said, “I already told you that I couldn't! Weren't you listening”? I gave up at that point.

A couple of weeks later, I noticed that Cathy was not her usual perky self. I talked to her a bit and got her to open up as to what her problem was. She said that the guy that she had turned down to dance had shown up with a new girlfriend, and said the the girl was not even pretty. I said, too bad you messed up your chance. Once again, she looked at me like I was some neanderthal from the ice age. “I told you I could not say yes to him. How many times do I have to repeat myself!”, she said.  About a year later, Cathy was moping around the office for a couple of months. One of her girlfriends told me that they guy she really liked had married that girl. She never had actually talked to the guy.

I did not stay at that store much longer. I found a much better paying job with a more stable future elsewhere in the city. I stayed on long enough to train my replacement, and would run into him from time to time. He stayed on a decade before leaving as well. When he left, Cathy was still there, still single, and still wandering the bars looking for Mr. Goodbar.

I guess she never changed!


For more advice with online dating and male – female relationships, follow the link below:

Advice for Men

Can You Really Find Real Love Online

This article is focused on the use of online dating sites to find love and happiness. As an observer of the online dating industry for the last several years, I have spent a lot of time trying to gage how it is that some individuals succeed while others fail.  As a member of several dating sites over the years, I have seen first hand how it is that people interact both successfully and unsuccessfully. I have also discussed dating and relationships extensively with people I have met who are/were in all types and phases of relationships.

So what have I found?
Perhaps not too much that has not already been discussed by others in the past, but perhaps with a different twist on it.

When it comes to people meeting in real life, well, that has been going on for a millennium, I have absolutely nothing to add on this topic that has not already been hashed out by writers since the time that man first developed writing. 

When it comes to the Internet, which has only been into the relationships and matchmaking game for the last 17 years or so, perhaps I can give people some insights as to what to expect with online dating sites and how to maximize their chances of success.

So lets start with some popular misconceptions:
Dating Sites Have Wonderful Matching Algorithms That Guarantee Me a Perfect Match
False – No matter how hard dating sites work at perfecting their compatibility formulas, they are handicapped by customers who lie about themselves, and customers who really have no idea what it is they are looking for. When it comes to relationships, people are much better at saying what they do not want than what they do want.

It Is Less Work To Find My Match On a Dating Site
False – Once you find someone you are interested in, no matter what the relationship you desire, to get on top of it, you have to spend a lot of time getting to know the person. And at some point you will become comfortable that they are not blowing smoke up your tush. If not, all bets are off and you are back to square one looking for someone else who interests you.

Internet Dating Sites Are More Likely To Find Someone For Me To Date
True – If you are a person who uses dating to interact with someone that you are interested in; then a dating site is likely to connect you with many more people than you can possibly find via your own means offline.

Internet Dating Sites Are More Likely To Find My Soul Mate.
False – Maybe false is too harsh – it is a definite perhaps, and it depends on your attitude. If you are willing to look outside of your normal comfort zone, you have a better chance finding someone on an internet dating site that you would through your own personal network of friends.


So Why Would I Use An Internet Dating Site Then?They are dynamite if you are willing to be open and look outside of your normal comfort zone for possible matches. If you are not successful finding someone the normal way, it is often because you are just looking in the wrong places. Dating sites are amazing in the one single fact that everyone on them is looking to date. You do not have to prequalify each introduction with a lot of tap dancing trying to figure out if the person you are talking to is looking for someone.  The secret with online dating is to open yourself up to other possibilities that you might not have looked at before. Be willing to be disappointed with each person that you connect with, but also be willing to be entranced. You might be shocked at the person who ends up winning your heart.

If you approach education with an open mind, you will get 10 times as much out of it than you would if you try to educate yourself within your existing limits of knowledge and biases when you first start the process. Similarly, with dating sites, if you approach them with an open mind, and are willing to interact with people that you would not normally associate with in your normal day-to-day life, you may just find that the love of your life is not what your brain thought it was looking for.

So, open your heart and give online dating a try.

If this article has peaked your interest then you should visit the link below:
http://www.top100datingpersonals.com/onlinedating.php